I'm lonely. I admit it.

I'm not the best person at socialising and while I an force myself to deal with new people, it's often sadly superficial. I've been keeping myself occupied recently by running around and dealing with other things like finding a job (got one, by the way), looking for an advisor (I'm still waiting for a reply), weighing the pros and cons of taking on a minor, etc. Today though, everything sort of hit me while I was walking towards Trader Joe's. It was somewhat disconcerting to suddenly feel like stopping in the middle of the car park of Stonestown and bursting into tears. I doubt the seagulls and miscellaneous robins would have appreciated it.

Everything is just so cold and empty here, though. The people make references to things I have little to no clue about in class. The sky was a glorious blue yet filled with grey clouds that resembled smoking ash from a fire more than condensed air particles. It's constantly windy and dry and sunny and dreary and the Caucasians (and certain African and Latin Americans) speak in loud, disruptive voices while on the phone.

I see dogs on the street (never cats) but I don't get to pet them, or cuddle them, or hug them. There are plenty of senior citizens that smile at you when you make eye-contact, but that's it. No festivities for Chinese New Year, no road-side food vendors with a variety of hawkers food, practically having everything taxed 2.85% which throws one when trying to come up with the total when one first sees the prices listed on the shelf, and stupid stationary that have three hole punches, 50g paper and a measuring system that eludes the rest of the damn world.

I saw a post truck yesterday with a left-side driver's seating and was ecstatic. I saw Milo and Jacob's cream crackers and frozen durian likely from Thailand and chopped before it's actually ripe and was ecstatic.

Yeah, I like the fact that the buses are generally reliable, that most of the drivers give way to pedestrians, that there are friendly bank personnel and public libraries almost everywhere; but God! I want to have someone I can bum with and talk to and eat with who will make me feel welcome. I want a furry animal I can blasted cuddle and snuggle and hug and pet to the point that premature balding might occur to it. I want them to bloody measure things in the metric system because, dammit, even Physics does so.

Whatever it is, I've set an appointment with a counselor for next week. We shall see if I get to terrorise the poor individual enough to amuse me into forgetting some of this loneliness.