Sitting outside in the hallway while waiting for my last singing class to start, I suddenly realised that I'm not sad.

I've known my teacher since April and haven't talked about myself much. She probably doesn't know that I come from a single-parent family or what my mother does, or what I plan to study. She probably knows nothing about how many pets I have at home or the fact that I'm not at all close to my relatives. Then I recall the fact that she knows little tit bits about her other students that she has shared with me. The lady and her mother whose class is after mine always comes in chattering in Cantonese and her children are somewhat rude, but they're open.

I suddenly realise that I have cocooned myself in a shell away from others, away from the world. I share little about myself to others, and even my best friends know little about the extent to which I have lived my life so far. Has my privacy come to the point where I distance myself from everyone? Has it come to the point where I don't feel at all sad at parting ways with people whom I have known for months, if not years?

I didn't cry when Jean left. I didn't cry when Mic left. I wonder, will I cry when I go?

I used to cry all the time when I was younger. Being sent to live with my aunt for a few weeks while my parents vacationed in Europe had me bawling, and saying goodbye to my aunts on my way home had the same results. Saying goodbye to my cat had me in tears every time I thought about it, but that was a death, and is understandable. Thinking of losing my mother while she underwent cancer treatment also had me weeping buckets. But, that was back when I was younger. When I still talked about myself to people.

I suddenly realise, everything I say to others concerning myself, even my own mother, is carefully dissected and analysed in my mind before it is ever said. Most of the time, I hold back. Other times, I tell half truths. No, not lies, just selective information. A different word in reference, a lighter light to the story.

I wonder, do I do it for myself, or for others?









On a lighter note, I managed to reach nineteen keys today. A low D and a high A or something of the sort. At least humming wise. So reduce the extremes by three semi-tones and you'll have the highest I can screech. Yay...