"Hey."

"Yeah, hon?"

"We need to break up."

"What?"

"I said, we need to break up."

"WHY?!"

"Well, I was bored and went online. There was this relationship test thing that caught my eye and I took it to see how well our relationship is. "

"And?"

"Oh, the results were in the negatives! So, we need to break up. Now."

"What the hell?! Just what sort of questions were asked?!"

"Well, the first one went along the lines of what my plans were for this weekend. I chose the one that said 'A trip for two- you and someone other than your partner'. I got a -1 mark for that answer."

"But you're accompanying your mother while she visits your uncle who just got out of the hospital!"

"It's still a -1..."

"...What else was asked?"

"Well... they asked how often we fight. I answered 'All the time or at least once a day.' I got another -1 for that answer."

"But we have to fight each other! We're gamers. We get paid to fight!"

"It's still a -1..."

"Christ... was there anything else?"

"Well... there was a question that asked about when I discussed my goals with you. I answered that you 'laughed and dismissed it as hopeless.' Again, a -1."

"But you are hopeless! You can't score a goal in any game if your life depended on it. Even you agree with me!"

"True... that last football game is painful to remember.... But it's still a -1!"

"....I suppose there's more?"

"Oh, yeah. There was that question about what we do when we're in front of the tv together. I answered 'arguing about who gets the controller.' Another -1. I seem to get that a lot..."

"....Of course we argue about who gets the controller! There's only one that both of us likes to use... I absolutely refuse to use that horrendous pink monstrosity your father bought when you said you wanted a new PS2 controller!"

"Mmmm hmm.... Either way, all the other questions gave me -1 scores. So I ended up having the lowest score in the history of that test! And it's a relationship test that even Barbie uses! It says so on the huge, flashy ad sign! We just have to break up!"

".... You're scaring me, you know that?"

"I know single-hood is daunting. But it's better that being in a relationship that's too late to save and six feet under."

"I'm serious about this. You're scaring me."

"There, there. We'll still be friends, right?"

"Okay... if you don't stop scaring me right this minute, I'm going to tell your father that you want that hot pink game console after all. And the hot pink hairband with neon pink faux fur."

"...."

"Well?"

"You won't believe the load of dribble they're putting up on the internet nowadays. It's worst than three days old trash."

"...Yeah. I'm just glad you're not wearing that ridiculously soft smile on your face anymore. Damn... it reminded me of my grandmother just before she stretched my cheeks three feet long..."

"Heh."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lalalala.... My brain has been fried by Pendidikan Moral (ironic that I didn't swear for any of the other papers but Moral brings forth curses that even sailors would blush at) and useless relationship test ads. You should try one. It makes for great entertainment!